Sometimes friends and family don't even know when someone close to them is self-harming, when they do find out, they are often at a loss to know how best to help.  If this is how you feel it's understandable.  If you have known for some time you will also know that listening with sensitivity and compassion will go a long way to showing that you want to know and understand when someone is struggling to put feelings into words.  If you can focus on those feelings and not on the self-harm it will help you to see the person and accept their pain and confusion.

 Perhaps you feel that you shouldn't have feelings of your own, after all your friend, or son, daughter, brother, sister, or partner who needs support?  It is very important that you acknowledge the feelings that self-harm in someone close to you can provoke.  Anger, a feeling of helplessness, shock, and even fear that they will go too far, all these are understandable, but need not stop you from being helpful.  However, it is very important that you know your own limitations, and don't try to offer more than you can deliver.  The task of finding other additional help, could well result in finding support for yourself as well.  Have a look at the section on this web site for people who sometimes hurt or harm themselves, and at the list of resources.  Perhaps you could also think of  a support group for supporters!